Begin together.
Tell us a little about your relationship and what you are hoping for, and we will be in touch to arrange a consultation.
Get startedCouples Therapy
Couples therapy at the Center follows a sequence: questions before the first meeting, a consultation, a period of history and goal setting, regular sessions, and periodic reviews. This page describes each stage and what we will ask of you along the way.
Each of you receives a short set of written questions through our secure client portal: what brings you to therapy, why now, what you have already tried, your experience of therapy, your goals, and the family you grew up in. Each partner answers separately. Your answers give the first meeting a starting point.
A 50-minute meeting with both partners, in person or by video. We hear how each of you describes the difficulty and what you hope will change, explain how we work, and decide together whether to continue.
We take a fuller history: each partner's family, earlier relationships, and the events that have shaped your relationship for better and worse. Each of you then sets your own goals. These cover the relationship you want, the partner you want to be in it, and what tends to get in your way.
Sessions are usually weekly and last 50 minutes. Each one is organized around your goals and the step you are working on, with exercises to practice between sessions.
Periodically we repeat the questionnaires described below and review the results with you. We look at what has changed, what has not, and whether the goals still fit.
When you are ready to stop, the last sessions review what changed, what each of you will keep practicing, and what to do if old patterns return.
We use brief standardized questionnaires throughout couples therapy. Each partner completes them separately through the client portal. At the start they describe where the relationship stands: how satisfied each of you is, how conflict goes between you, and how secure and close each of you feels.
Repeated at regular intervals, the same questionnaires show whether things are improving and where the work has stalled. We review the results with you in session and use them to adjust the plan. Research on psychotherapy finds that tracking progress this way helps therapists catch a stalled treatment early.
Most people arrive hoping their partner will do most of the changing. Progress comes when each of you attends to your own reactions and to the partner you want to be, whatever the other person is doing that week.
Before each session, think about your goals and the next step toward them. A session built around that step goes further than one spent replaying the latest argument.
We look at what each of you does when an exchange goes badly, such as blaming or withdrawing, and at the harder feeling that behavior covers, often fear, shame or hurt. Each of you then chooses something to try instead the next time.
When the body is flooded, listening and problem solving stop working. You will learn to notice that point, calm down, and take a time-out with an agreed time to come back to the conversation.
Partners practice a structured conversation. One speaks about a single concern and their own experience of it. The other listens to understand and asks questions without defending or arguing. Then you switch.
Partners will always differ in some things. Much of the work is learning to state your own view clearly and stay in contact while your partner holds a different one.
Tell us a little about your relationship and what you are hoping for, and we will be in touch to arrange a consultation.
Get started